Jay Leno “The President said this week that after 4 years in office, 'You realize all the mistakes you've made.' So, he DOES watch Fox News!"
Mike Birbiglia “The new Pope is being chosen by the St. Louis Cardinals.”
Seth MacFarlane Shirley Bassey is still in my apartment, just belting "Goooooooollllllld!" Not complaining, but in case her family is wondering...
Lena Dunham ”As far as stuff my dog eats off the street, we have a real don't ask don't tell policy”